C7 FAMILY
8/2/26
#14 - CONTROL
AS I SIT NEXT TO MY MOMS HOSPITAL BED, I'M REMINDED HOW LITTLE CONTROL WE HAVE OVER CERTAIN ASPECTS OF OUR LIVES. NO MATTER HOW MUCH POWER YOU THINK YOU HAVE, THERE WILL ALWAYS BE THINGS THAT HAPPEN WHICH ARE COMPLETELY OUT OF YOUR HANDS. FOR ME, THESE THINGS ARE ESPECIALLY DIFFICULT TO DEAL WITH SINCE THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO BUT HOPE FOR THE BEST. NOTHING CAN PREPARE YOU FOR THIS FEELING OF POWERLESSNESS, OTHER THAN THE EVENT ITSELF. THIS DOESN’T MAKE IT ANY EASIER TO GO THROUGH, BUT AT LEAST YOU ARE REMINDED OF THE UNFORTUNATE TRUTH: WE CANT CONTROL EVERYTHING. THE ONLY THING THAT WE DO HAVE CONTROL OVER IS HOW WE RESPOND TO THESE EVENTS. WHETHER ITS CHOOSING HOW YOU WILL REACT THE NEXT TIME OR FIGURING OUT WHAT YOU CAN DO NOW TO IMPROVE YOUR SITUATION, WE CAN ONLY CONTROL THE WAY THAT WE RESPOND TO THE SITUATION AS OPPOSED TO TRYING TO CONTROL THE SITUATION ITSELF. LIKE IVE MENTIONED BEFORE, I DON’T THINK THAT I'M SOME GENIUS AND THAT MY WORDS ARE GOLD. IF ANYTHING, I USE THESE DOCUMENTS TO REMIND MYSELF OF THE THINGS I'VE THOUGHT OF PREVIOUSLY, ESPECIALLY DURING STRESSFUL TIMES WHEN ITS HARD TO THINK OF ANYTHING BUT THE CURRENT MOMENT. YES THIS IS A COPING MECHANISM. YES I'M TRYING TO CONVINCE MYSELF THAT EVERYTHING IS OK. I THINK WRITING THESE THOUGHTS DOWN WHEN I FEEL THE LEAST MOTIVATED TO DO SO IS SIGNIFICANTLY IMPORTANT TO MY COMPLETE BODY OF WORK. THESE WORDS GIVE A DEEPER INSIGHT TO HOW I'M FEELING THAN ANY PIECE OF ART I COULD POSSIBLY CREATE. THESE WORDS WILL BE THE MOST IMPORTANT TO REFLECT ON IN THE FUTURE.
WHETHER THESE DOCUMENTS GET READ OR NOT, HAVING MY MOST PERSONAL THOUGHTS AND EMOTIONS AVAILABLE TO THOSE WHO ARE INTERESTED GIVES ME A GREAT LEVEL OF COMFORTABILITY GOING FORWARD. WHEN I GOT IN A CAR ACCIDENT A FEW YEARS AGO, IT SHOWED ME HOW QUICKLY ALL OF THIS COULD BE OVER. I’VE ALSO LOST SEVERAL OF MY CLOSEST FAMILY MEMBERS OVER THE LAST COUPLE YEARS, AND IT HAS MADE ME REALIZE THE VALUE IN LEAVING SOMETHING BEHIND FOR THOSE THAT WANT TO REMEMBER YOU. ONE OF MY RELATIVES TOLD US VERY LITTLE ABOUT HIS LIFE WHILE HE WAS HERE, AND ONCE HE PASSED, THERE WAS NOTHING I WANTED MORE THAN TO LEARN ABOUT WHO HE WAS. I SEE THESE WORDS AS A WAY FOR ME TO ALMOST HAVE A GENUINE CONVERSATION WITH THE PERSON READING THEM. EVEN THOUGH ITS NOT THE SAME AS TALKING TO A PERSON DIRECTLY, READING THESE DOCUMENTS WILL GIVE SOMEONE A MUCH DEEPER LOOK INTO THE PERSON I WAS. WHETHER YOU ARE RELATED TO MY BY BLOOD, FRIENDSHIP, OR SIMPLY A SHARED LOVE OF ART, READING THESE DOCUMENTS WILL GIVE A WHOLE NEW PERSPECTIVE ON THE WORK I CREATED WHILE I WAS HERE.
IF I WERE NOT ABLE TO LEAVE ANY PHYSICAL ASSETS FOR MY LOVED ONES AFTER I PASSED, I HOPE THAT VALUE COULD BE GAINED FROM THESE WORDS AT SOME POINT IN THE FUTURE. THE REASON I ONLY USE SINGLE WORD TITLES FOR THESE DOCUMENTS IS THAT I DON’T WANT TO TRY AND SUMMARIZE THE CONTENTS OF EACH DOCUMENT THROUGH A TITLE. THE SINGULAR WORD SERVES AS A REFERENCE TO THE AREA OF MY MIND IM EXPLORING THROUGH THESE PARAGRAPHS. IF SOMEONE WERE TO SCROLL THROUGH ALL OF MY DOCUMENTS AND FIND ONE THAT IS ABOUT SOMETHING THEY HAVE ALSO BEEN REFLECTING ON, I SEE THAT AS A WIN. EVEN THOUGH I CANT ACTUALLY RESPOND TO THEIR THOUGHTS, MAYBE THEY CAN RESPOND TO MINE. THIS RESPONSE IS LESS IN A PHYSICAL CONVERSATIONAL MANNER, BUT MORE IN THE WAY THAT THEY LIVE THEIR EVERYDAY LIFE. IF THE WORDS THAT I WRITE CAN HAVE A GENUINELY POSITIVE EFFECT ON SOMEONE’S DAY TO DAY LIFE, I BELIEVE I'VE SUCCEEDED. THE AMOUNT OF MONEY SOMEONE MAKES AND THE IMPACT THEY HAVE ON PEOPLES LIVES ARE TWO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT MEASURES OF SUCCESS. I FEEL THAT CHANGING HOW PEOPLE THINK IN A WAY THAT BENEFITS THEM IS SO MUCH MORE VALUABLE THAN ANY AMOUNT OF MONEY SOMEONE COULD GAIN FROM THEIR WORK. OBVIOUSLY I HOPE TO BE ABLE TO PAY MY BILLS WITH MY WORK IN THE FUTURE, HOWEVER NOT PLACING EMPHASIS ON THE FINANCIAL ASPECT ALLOWS ME TO CREATE FROM THE HEART, AND NOT FROM MY WALLET. I HOPE I CAN CONTINUE TO HAVE THIS MINDSET, AND I FEEL THAT DOCUMENTING MY EMOTIONS IN THIS WAY WILL HELP ME DO THAT.
-CAMERON CAMPBELL CRAIG